Justin friggin Bieber. His little brother / big brother relationship with Usher is forced and uncomfortable. When he first came out I was inclined to call child protective services because I couldn't understand what a grown man was doing toting around a 12 year old lesbian. That little turd wins awards left and right.... for what?! His music should only be sold to people 65 and older to be used as a replacement to prunes. This may come as a surprise but I want to be his new manager.
I see a few options for the Bieb, we'll start by having him blow lines off that little Latina girlfriend's ass in a sex tape. We will shave his head and give him a pink wig and an umbrella after a night of pumping up on roxies, then just make a call to TMZ and see what happens. It worked for Brit. There's the infamous 'accidental' wardrobe malfunction on a red carpet scheme. Why not link him to one of those girls on 16 & pregnant? It'll turn out to be a hoax and she will get sued but, entertaining? I say so. We could spike his apple juice with LSD right before an award acceptance then watch the fireworks. Something reminiscent of Anna Nicole, celebrities speaking gibberish is always top ratings. We will spend time recording a new album with Lindsay Lohan, Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj. The first single from the album will be called, "I slapped that Ho" and will feature Chris Brown. Here's where the brilliance happens. The day before the album drops, Beib will get arrested for possession of illegal narcotics after a foot tap in the men's room at LAX. Boom, a star is born.
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