Lady Gaga - Born This Way

Purple triangles, glittery unicorns, offensive illusions.... I love you Gaga...

Extra mayonnaise, please...

I am just a nice redheaded girl from Arkansas.... You see, my boyfriend who people call "The King" has been asking me to do things in the bedroom that make me less than comfortable. Last night he forced me to smother barbecue sauce on my breasts while I hollered, "Eat my nuggets!" I want to be a good girlfriend but I'm just not sure I can keep going with these strange fantasies. Just last week I had to stay home from work after a little accident involving a chocolate milkshake. It's not his fault, who knew I was allergic to pickles anyway?! I really just cant handle another bad break up. My last relationship ended after he dressed up like a clown at my brother Jack's birthday party and scared all the kids in the ball pit. It was also upsetting because Jack has a really big head and pale skin, people tell him he looks like a clown all the time. I cried for weeks until The King came along. It wasn't until after a few months did I find out all of these strange sexual deviance's. He forced me to slurp Hershey's pie out of a Taco Bell cup as he sat naked in the corner and smoked cigarettes. I have fallen victim to onion rings, mozzarella sticks, french fries, chicken patties and the worse yet? The quarter pounder with cheese. Each time I allow The King to degrade me, he places a Jason mask on my face. He says the mask helps him live out the fantasy without feeling bad for doing it to someone he loves.

I want a normal life without all the baked potato sucking and chicken fry abusing. I met a lady who promised me a big white castle all to myself. I am going to escape The King's reign if he refuses to let me have a face during intercourse. I might go down like my friend Roy did, working at rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike and trolling for Newport's but at least I'll have my pride. No longer will I be the chicken dipping, burger flipping, strap on thrusting, diaper wearing, faceless "whore monger" you have made me. I will stand tall with a condiment less bra and face.

Mercedes Benz Fashion Week Fall 2011

Fall 2011 promises so much glitter my head might fucking explode. My apologies if this blog is difficult to follow as my excitement is fogging good judgement. In true Michael Kors tradition, we're heading toward structured pieces of beautiful fabrics and plunging lines. Only now ladies, spend the summer on celery sticks because come September, your back will be the highlight of the night. There is glitter glitter glitter, thigh-high slits and flowing fabric, think Stevie Nicks circa 1976. Only classy. Nanette Lepore follows suit with crocheted tops that sneak a peak. Long, luxurious vibrant, off white dresses and most importantly, Fur. Both designers are encouraging us to stay gray in wide legged pants. Oh, and if you girls aren't planning on wearing an impressively huge heel that looks like it could tenderize a steak... Stay the hell home. Gucci has introduced a studded and chained up man clutch with a wrist strap. (Guess who is on the wait-list) Betsey Johnson is giving us over the top amounts of print, even more so than in history. Studio 54 is making a comeback boys and girls and I am on the list. OOOOoooOOOOoooOOo and Ms. Von Furstenberg if ya nasty! How could I forget the endless drama that walked the legend's runway? Honestly, I just have no words for her. Only heavy breathes in a paper bag. Luckily for the unfortunate whom weren't able to attend, I have attached a link to Live Runway Coverage via Youtube. Off to some after parties, keep your fingers crossed that Marc Jacobs accidentally lands his lips on mine. <3>

Andrejynous

Im loving almost everything about this Lady Boy. Andrej Pejic, 19 years old and stealing the spotlight at Mercedes Benz fashion week from names like Nicole Miller, Salvatore Ferragamo, Michael Kors & Betsey Johnson. All because Andrej has too much fashion sense for one gender. My Itunes has had "Dude looks like a lady" on repeat for the most part of this afternoon as I read up on Andrej. My only disappointment is my friend Frankie, the pioneer of androgynous style didn't do it first. That was my ticket to marrying Marc Jacobs and now I have no in. Werq lady boy, werq.