Extra mayonnaise, please...

I am just a nice redheaded girl from Arkansas.... You see, my boyfriend who people call "The King" has been asking me to do things in the bedroom that make me less than comfortable. Last night he forced me to smother barbecue sauce on my breasts while I hollered, "Eat my nuggets!" I want to be a good girlfriend but I'm just not sure I can keep going with these strange fantasies. Just last week I had to stay home from work after a little accident involving a chocolate milkshake. It's not his fault, who knew I was allergic to pickles anyway?! I really just cant handle another bad break up. My last relationship ended after he dressed up like a clown at my brother Jack's birthday party and scared all the kids in the ball pit. It was also upsetting because Jack has a really big head and pale skin, people tell him he looks like a clown all the time. I cried for weeks until The King came along. It wasn't until after a few months did I find out all of these strange sexual deviance's. He forced me to slurp Hershey's pie out of a Taco Bell cup as he sat naked in the corner and smoked cigarettes. I have fallen victim to onion rings, mozzarella sticks, french fries, chicken patties and the worse yet? The quarter pounder with cheese. Each time I allow The King to degrade me, he places a Jason mask on my face. He says the mask helps him live out the fantasy without feeling bad for doing it to someone he loves.

I want a normal life without all the baked potato sucking and chicken fry abusing. I met a lady who promised me a big white castle all to myself. I am going to escape The King's reign if he refuses to let me have a face during intercourse. I might go down like my friend Roy did, working at rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike and trolling for Newport's but at least I'll have my pride. No longer will I be the chicken dipping, burger flipping, strap on thrusting, diaper wearing, faceless "whore monger" you have made me. I will stand tall with a condiment less bra and face.